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ChangingMinds Blog! > Blog Archive > 26-Oct-07

Friday 26-October-07

Stranger and stranger

After agreeing to act as a responsible adult as a condition to living at home, my son has reverted to unacceptable behaviour. On the day that we had to put down the old dog we inherited from my father I got home to find my wife gone for a walk in the rain after being battered by his insults. When I told him I was upset by losing the last living link to my father he told me I was spiritually inept. I don't know if he was looking for an argument but I was not going to play. Then he wanted a lift to the station and money for the train to go visit a friend.

He often seems like a stranger and we see few glimpses now of the gentle person hiding within. He is confident of getting a job in September, working nights in a local store and so does not intend doing anything else about finding work for the next month or so. I have learned only believe what I see.
I'm perplexed about him. He's doing arch-teenage stuff and I know it's not worth having a go at him, so I listen more than talk and try to sow seeds of sanity. He's still in a place where he is either victim or persecutor and the world (and particularly his family) are to blame. I refuse the blame game and work to model the adult alternative.

For now, I'm biding time and trying to ensure he doesn't terminally hurt his mother. It's so easy when you are blind to destroy important relationships. When people are deep inside their own heads it's not worth trying to change their mind at that time as they are not listening and will turn anything you say to their own purpose.

And so I talk with friends and stay afloat. One day he'll wake up, I am assured. Roll on.